Disclaimer: This article is NOT intended as a treatment plan for any anxiety disorder. DO NOT stop taking your medication and of course, follow the recommendations of a qualified specialist. Take what I’m going to say WITH A GRAIN OF SALT, however, if you find it useful then it serves its purpose. I am NOT a doctor and in NO WAY can I give medical advice, so DO NOT take this as a substitute for proper medical treatment.
I believe it’s time for us to get serious and chat. . .
. . .I’m talking to you, anxiety sufferer.
For the sake of this article, I will not go into a political spiel nor will I ramble off topic. You can totally hate my views on politics and social issues, but I’m putting those aside for a minute to talk to you about an issue that I don’t open up about too much. This is strictly about my anxiety and what worked for me.
If you are an anxiety sufferer (and by anxiety sufferer, I mean someone who has anxiety so bad to where it impairs your day to day routine) then I’m sure you probably spend hours either every day or periodically looking for solutions to your problem.
Out of the solutions that you find, I’m sure the maxim is deep breathing, meditation, yoga, etc. Those things can be beneficial, however you’ll find that they will just help you cope to a degree and may just work temporarily as a bandaid (like they did for me at one point).
I’m sure as well, that like many, you probably don’t want to take a medication for it and with the potential side effects of SSRI inhibitors and Benzodiazepines, I can’t blame you. That was my case as well, however you may be in a different boat and my require them as a part of your treatment. In many cases, I’ll admit, these medications can be helpful as a tool (especially in the short term), but they may not permanently edge away your anxiety. The reason why, is because these medications, while numbing or partially correcting biological ramifications of anxiety, do not get to the root causes of your anxiety nor what keeps them going. I know this from experience.
You see, The Damn Messenger has suffered with anxiety to an extreme degree for most of his adult life. I rarely if ever left my house at one time for almost a year because of it. While there were short periods of reprieve, ultimately symptoms came back and at times, prolong, go away for awhile, repeat, etc. You name it – I’ve been through the litany of symptoms from shakiness, to panic attacks, to random chest pains, to shortness of breath, to unexplainable chronic pains that the doctors only shrugged at (as I’m sure you have). I know damn well how difficult it is. However, I do also know that with enough persistence, there is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.
What I found in my case, as may be your case, was that there was one common element: avoidance.
I instinctually learned and conditioned myself through my anxiety, to avoid every day situations that no one ever batted an eye about encountering. By doing so, I achieved short term relief but eventually, crashed like a car with no tires. This is the trap I’ve written this article to warn you about.
Like many, after awhile, I figured that I could go about with this cycle of avoidance and everything would “get better.” I could not have been more wrong. Eventually, my anxiety lead me to a crux – a point where I realized – “okay, either I go out there (like a boss) and face all the (usually imagined) danger, or I sit here and stew in my problems.” It was a terrifying proposition I made to myself, but one I had to do.
I mark this “come to Jesus” moment as the moment when my life (and the way I handled anxiety) changed forever. Over the course of several months, I did just what I mentioned – I went out there and (not always “like a boss”) faced the (99% of the time imagined) danger that I was trying to avoid. Every single thing that caused me discomfort was seen as something I had to do and admittedly, I suffered through it for several months as I tackled each obstacle.
Before I go any further, let me just state that there are certain things that you should be cautious about doing (and that really serve you no benefit). If your fear is Skydiving, well, there’s a reason for that and maybe Skydiving isn’t something you should do. Same with Bungie Jumping, Base Jumping and well, most things that end with “jumping”. Likewise, you shouldn’t fight people or involve yourself in Street Racing. There is also nothing healthy about taking illegal drugs or otherwise involving yourself in other detrimental activities. In this article, I’m not talking about having a rational fear of things you shouldn’t be doing in the first place, I’m speaking exclusively about those things that you should be doing day to day but stopped doing because of anxiety. I’m talking about things that others (including yourself at one point) take for granted: driving, talking to people, establishing healthy relationships, confronting people who do you wrong (in a diplomatic and nonviolent manner, of course), paying your bills, going to a sporting event, working, going outside for fresh air, etc. All of the things that everyday people can do without feeling like their going to jump out of their skin or breathing heavier than a woman giving birth yet ones that you cannot find it in yourself to do because of crippling anxiety
With that out of the way, I’m going to get to the meat and potatoes of the article and it’s namesake:
“The Number One Thing You’re Probably Not Being Told About Anxiety”
The number one things that you’re probably not being told about anxiety is that IT IS (PROBABLY) GOING TO GET WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER. This is a fact from my experience, is unavoidable. You see, if you’re anything like me, the reason why your anxiety escalated in the first place was due to avoidance. Every time you chose to avoid something that caused you discomfort, you in turn made it that much more uncomfortable the next time you do encounter it. This “worse before it gets better” statement is probably advice that hurts, I understand that. When I was at the peak of my anxiety, I prayed for someone to just “make it magically better” without having to suffer, but by my short term avoidance of the suffering, I made the suffering a lot worse when it came around. As an anxiety sufferer, you need to own this and you should take this as an invitation to take back control of your life.
There is an old quote that goes “The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire.” It is usually attributed to Richard M. Nixon, but as to the original author, I have no recollection. Despite all of that, the quote has an uncanny truth to it – to achieve the peace you desire, you must be willing to suffer. Another way to put it is qo quote The Steve Miller Band – “You’ve got to go through hell before you get to heaven.”
Even though you may not want to hear this, what you have to do is avoid your “safe space” or your comfort zone and embrace life.
There is no better advice that I can give someone than that as far as the nature of anxiety. Everytime you revalidate a situation with avoidance, the fear will ultimately come back stronger.
Now before you stop reading and starting cussing me out, let me tell you some tips that I used that will be of great help to you.
- While you are not to avoid uncomfotable situations, you don’t have to go completely “full force” into them. Go until you’re uncomfortable, then try to go 25% more. Next time, go further.
- SMALL VICTORIES. . .don’t start out climbing a mountain if you can’t even take a walk through neighborhood. This is important. Put all of your anxiety inducing situations in perspective – rank them from least to worst and do the least first but DO NOT try to make it too easy for yourself at the same time.
- Remember, when combatting anxiety, you are intentionally seeking discomfort to ultimately better your situation. Keep that in mind when confronting what makes you scared because your goal has to be in mind.
- Everyone, no matter how big of a badass they pretend they are, gets scared. It’s okay to be afraid of the situation until it becomes normal (or normal again in some cases).
- You will probably live with some degree of anxiety permanentely. Don’t take it as a curse, but a blessing. There are many people in this world who suffer in their own ways including many “great” people. A world without suffering is not 100% ideal, as it creates apathy. You’re not apathetic, you are stronger than apathy. Bear your crosses with courage.
I hope this advice helps, but remember that I am not a therapist, physician or in the mental health field in any way shape or form. I’m just a former sufferer, who might be able to offer insight that others may not be wanting to give. We live in a world that wants to tell you what you want to hear, but usually, the truth is not so sweet (at first).
If you like this article, leave me some feedback and remember to always find support if you suffer from anxiety. . .however, make sure for your own good, that the one helping you has your best interests at heart and will be willing to help you go at this thing head on even when you don’t want to.
– The Damn Messenger